Someone please track down Uncle Jimbo and the guy in the Blackfive video and slap them back to reality. They seem to think that the young Code Pinko’s Blackfive interviewed are “cute.” Let’s get this straight: for a conservative, there should be no such thing as a “Code Pink Cutie.”

Let’s start with the girls in the video. They’re not physically attractive. They’re not charming. (Yes, I know both of these comments are highly subjective.) But it seems to be enough for Uncle Jimbo and the Blackfive guy that these two are not old hags like the rest of the group. They’d have a point if the only females left on earth were Code Pinkos and it was their duty to repopulate the planet. But in the real world, these young girls shouldn’t even merit a glance from conservatives . . . at least, not once they’ve opened their mouths.

Thankfully, this “Code Pink Cutie” delusion does not appear to have reached anywhere near meme status on the conservative blogs. It’s showing up in conservative blog aggregators, and American Power gives it a link without actually endorsing it, but it appears the rest of the conservative blogosphere has more sense.

Now, for those of you doubting me . . . didn’t you find Jessica Alba (a genuine cutie/hottie) the least little bit less attractive when she spouted off here? (Though I think she was unfairly criticized on the issue of Sweden’s neutrality.) I’m not even sure R.S. McCain could spend more than a few minutes with Christina Hendricks if she were spouting such inanities at the time (not that he’d take advantage anyway, being a married man).

Hollywood is an aberration. In real life, conservative women are generally more attractive. Attractive women don’t start their lives with chips on their shoulders. Which is why Rush Limbaugh’s undeniable truth #24 — “Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society” — always made sense to me. And it’s why you see art like the banner in this blog post.

Of course, I’m not saying all conservative women are babes. I’m just saying that if you start with identical twin cuties next to each other, with one espousing Code Pink values and the other one preparing to participate in CPAC, they look markedly different from each other. And if you gradually start making the difference in their physical appearance wider — the CPAC babe getting gradually less attractive and the Code Pinko becoming gradually more so — it will still be quite a while before the Code Pinko looks better to you. Or at least, it should be quite a while.

Now, when you start out with a woman who is already hot but of unknown political persuasion, then you learn she’s a conservative to boot — or at least plays one on TV — well, that just adds to the babe factor. Case in point, hottest of the hot Fox News babes, Patti Ann Brown (pipe down, Julie Banderas and Jenna Lee fans), with her hair down on Redeye, and not exactly espousing conservative values (mildly NSFW for language):

Maybe that just proves that someone with a conservative persona is even sexier when she departs from it. Anyway, that’s probably about as close as I’m going to get to implementing Rule 5 for blog traffic generation.

UPDATE (5/2/2009): A similar topic has generated all kinds of traffic (judging by the numbers of comments) in the last few days for some other conservative bloggers, more than a month after I posted this. Instead of being bitter about it, I am once again going to follow “Roadhouse” Stacy McCain’s Rule from “How to get a million hits on your blog in less than a year”. I’m going to e-mail all these guys, and see if they’ll link back to me.

From what I can tell, the current string of successful posts started with Matthew Archbold at Creative Minority Report, with “Are Conservative Women Hotter?” Pundette followed with a post about attractive conservative men, with a similar “hook” of a title: “Hotness gap”? Suzanna Logan followed up by explaining that gumption explains “Why Conservative Women are Hotter”. Monique Stewart joined in with “What Hotness Gap?” — another post about hot conservative men. And they all got home page exposure at McCain’s.

OK, I’m noticing a trend here: the word “hot” or some variant thereof in the title. MY post? It has the words “more attractive.” Lame. Then again, my discussion goes well past looks . . . but so does Suzanna Logan’s.

OK, on to the e-mailing. Wish me luck!

UPDATE (5/3/09): Newbie blogger William John Perry of Beating the Liberty Drum has another theory: it’s the legs. Be sure to scroll to the end of his post for the photographic evidence (including a stunning photo of Suzanna Logan). And he’s getting an e-mail from me, too, newbie or not. For all I know, his trafic is already through the roof.